vacations so far

i have been home for about 15 days now....can`t say exactly how has been the experience like...it didn`t turn out the way i expeted it to be...peaceful....peace was in short supply....nevertheless now when time to go back is upon me i guess i got no regrets....not getting along with parents and your folk....fighting or diffirence of opinion even on manner of sitting....dirty little quarrels...bad blood....little happenings....not able to forget what people say to you in fitts of anger..judging people very hard...wanting to break away yet holding on tightly......beauty of small things is lost in mix of so much that happens or what you believed happened....pain, agony, frustation, hollowness, detachment, dejectment, rejection..it is a bag full of emotions enrolled into one....for me the realization that it is going towards a situation where i will not be in controll or perhaps i am already there without realizing that i am there is a feeling not welcomed.....more than compromise or surrender it is an undying will to achieve a higher plane of exixtence is perhaps the root cause of the agony or the cradle of small little conflicts...and the saviour too...friends have been a good stress busters if i can call them that but nothing more than that....the feeling of distancing youself from your people is engulfing enough to not let you think of anything else...but than i question why should it be such an overpowering experience...answers to which still seem nowhere in sight...i guess these things make u feel alive....am just riding with the flow and hoping it leads me not to a fall...even if does i hope i enjoy the fall......